Dear Class of 2008: There are a vast number of weighty questions in this world, and the need to answer them correctly is so important that perhaps our very future hangs in the balance. So, while someone addresses them (let’s hope), here are a few questions of my own.
Dear Class of 2008,
There are a vast number of weighty questions in this world, and the need to answer them correctly is so important that perhaps our very future hangs in the balance.
So, while someone addresses them (let’s hope), here are a few questions of my own:
- Why are you supposed to say “God bless you” to someone who has just sneezed, but it’s OK to ignore someone who has just coughed?
- Who invented chunky peanut butter, and why?
- If a tree falls in the woods and there’s no one around to hear it, who cares?
- I’ve got a used outdoor garbage can that I want to throw out. What do I put it in?
- When asked “the keys to winning the game” why doesn’t a pro athlete, coach or commentator respond, “whichever team has the most points at the end?”
- Does anyone other than my colleague at this newspaper buy the Apple Dippers at McDonald’s?
- Are Swedish Fish really from Sweden?
- Has anyone ever asked the following poll question: Aren’t polls annoying?
- How many zillions of gallons of duck sauce accompanying Chinese take-out get thrown out each year?
- And why duck sauce? There’s no duck in there.
- How did early Homo sapiens figure out which plants were edible and which were deadly poisonous? Trial and error?
- Who’s really better off, someone who’s “fit as a fiddle” or someone who “feels like a million bucks?”
- Will Arbor Day ever take off as a major holiday?
- It’s a fact there are wristwatches in the world that retail for more than $1 million. Who buys them? Count Dracula?
- Who are these Joneses? And why must I keep up with them?
- Who decided it was fashionable to put a little alligator on the corner of men’s shirts, and was it the same person who then rethought the matter?
- Have you ever seen someone order two double cheeseburgers, large fries, large onion rings and a diet soda?
- What does “hang in the balance” mean? ’Cause I think the future of this column might be hanging in the balance.